The holiday season has been here for awhile, but my holiday spirit disappeared about 10 years ago. When I lived in L.A., Christmas was my favorite holiday. I loved shopping, wrapping the presents, selecting and mailing the cards, decorating the tree, listening to Christmas music and watching other’s open their presents. The tree had to be a REAL tree, too, because the smell of the fresh pine added to the feeling of Christmas. I would decorate the doors to look like Christmas presents, hang wreaths and light candles. I would put bells and ribbons on my Chow Chows. Upon first moving to San Francisco, I still celebrated, probably up until right after my divorce. The last time there was a Christmas tree in this apartment was around 2004. What happened? I’m not really sure. Living in San Francisco has seemed to drain all of the joy out of my life. Now I shop throughout the year for presents in order to avoid that last minute Christmas rush. More than likely, presents will be thrown into a gift bag rather than actually wrapping them. I seldom mail Christmas cards these days.
Honestly, this last trip to Hawaii made me realize that Honolulu probably has more Christmas decorations up than San Francisco does! It made me feel a little Christmas-y while I was there, delivering Christmas presents to several friends. Last year I was in New Orleans during Christmas and that lifted my spirits, too.
Then again, this afternoon was our company-wide holiday party. There are 3 or 4 different divisions of our company spread out over two floors. In December, we have a tree (yes, a REAL one) and either have a potluck or have food catered in or both. There’s also a white elephant gift exchange. Truthfully, I haven’t participated in about 12 years. Today was no exception!
Tonight is my group’s holiday dinner at a new, trendy restaurant called Cavalier. My RSVP to the E-mail sent out a few weeks ago said that I wouldn’t be attending. The office manager asked me again yesterday, just to be sure. Today the female attorney and a few other people tried to convince me to go, but to no avail. I don’t want to sit around eating dinner and having drinks with a group of people, most of whom I don’t actually like or even respect. It’s a farce and a waste of time.
People keep sending me E-mails, texts and messages on FB suggesting that we go out for drinks, dinner, a movie or something. I haven’t responded to the vast majority of them. My level of feeling social is at an all-time low. I actually WANTED to see some people in Hawaii, but didn’t get to. Here, I really don’t care. We can hang out any time of the year, but I don’t want to be around people or even interact with them in any way for awhile.
A small part of me is trying to talk myself into getting a “half” tree and putting it on the Chinese table in the entryway, though. Since both of the boys (yes, my two male roomies are in their early 20’s, too) will be gone for 2 weeks over Christmas and New Year’s, I’ve even thought about going all out and baking cookies, cakes and such. Of course, I’m not a huge fan of most baked goods, so I wouldn’t actually eat them myself, but hand them out to the neighbors or my “boys” at work. It’s just a thought at this point. So I guess my holiday spirit isn’t completely dead, but… it doesn’t involve interacting much with other people! (Now if I only had a doggie to dress up in a Santa Claus suit, then I might be able to get the full holiday spirit going! So if you have a spare dog/puppy laying around, please send him/her my way!)