when you’re no longer of this earth? How can the sun shine or birds sing when I can’t even get up to greet the day knowing that you’re gone? We may not have been that close, but my grief is overwhelming. Maybe it’s because your death was so unexpected. Did you suffer? Hopefully not. I tell myself that, like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun and caught the eyes of the angels, who decided to keep you. They clipped your wings out of love for you and vowed to keep you amongst themselves. When you were hurtling towards the earth, were you afraid? Or did you, in your own characteristic way, embrace the adventure? Did your life flash before your eyes? Or did you think everything would work out? Was your body shattered? Was your handsome face scarred? All of these things I wonder about, but don’t know the answers to. I only know that your spirit still lives on and won’t be broken. Since you left this world, there’s been such an outpouring of love for you.
You were probably the best person I ever met, as well as being my idea of the epitome of a French gentleman. You were charming, devastatingly handsome (in my opinion) and very flirtatious. You dressed well and smelled good. You could cook. You were a musician, a hang gliding enthusiast and an animal lover. Although your father was famous, you made your own way in life, which I admired you for. You’d already taken on lung cancer and won. You never made excuses, simply went on doing what you do because you truly lived life to its fullest. More importantly, you were humble, down to earth and had a way of making everyone feel special. Everywhere you went, everything you touched, you added your own special little sparkle. I can’t forget your smile, the twinkle in your blue eyes and your joie de vivre.
Another part of my grieving may be due to the fact that I’d always hoped that someday we would take a chance on each other. You always flirted with me and once said something like “I know you’re bad like me!” while giving me a mischievous smile. The last time we saw each other, you were ending a relationship and I was single. I regret not doing something, anything to let you know that I was seriously interested. Instead, on the other side of the country, you began a relationship with someone else 4 or 5 months later. I was jealous, of course, but you seemed very happy and that’s all that really mattered. I know that she was there when you passed, so can imagine how devastated she is. I’m heartbroken and you were never even mine!
I want to scream your name at the sky. I want to fall asleep, wake up and find out that this was all a dream and that you’re still here. I also want to sit in a corner and cry.
I’m going to miss you so much more than you know. Thank you for being the extraordinary person that you were/are and thank you for the sunshine that you brought into my life. I won’t forget you… ever. The blue sky will forever remind me of your blue eyes. Whenever the wind blows, I’ll whisper your name. As much as I’m going to miss you and cry and grieve, the angels are going to love you. How could they not?
Adieu, mon cher – ma douce, l’homme cheri.