Saturday morning came far too soon. I woke up early, then went back to sleep, in hopes that my leaving that day was a dream. My Aussie friend’s flight was at 8:00 or 9:00 a.m., so I texted her to apologize for not being able to spend any time with her the day before. She replied that she was pretty miserable about leaving; I said the same.
When I finally got up, showered and packed all of my things, it started to sink in. Based on my crazy and tentative plans, there’s a small chance that I may never be back to Hawaii again or to see my friends there again. It’s hard for me to think about things like that. Of course, once everything was packed, I started crying – not just a little bit, but a lot. The more I kept telling myself that I was overreacting, the harder I cried. I finally pulled myself together enough to head to Hiking Hawaii Café for an acai bowl. As I walked through the hotel lobby, I started crying again. Some of the staff noticed, so I put my sunglasses on. I sat in Hiking Hawaii Café eating my acai bowl in silence, trying to calm down. I only made it through 2/3 of the acai bowl. It’s big, but I was able to eat it last time; think I was too upset this time.
Once I was sitting in the lobby with my luggage waiting for the shuttle, one of the hotel employees approached me. Hans told me that he’s Filipino-Chinese-Dutch-German and that he recognized me from my previous stays. He confessed that he’s always wanted to talk to me, but I was constantly dashing in and out of the hotel before he had a chance to really engage me in conversation. He said that he’d like to take me out the next time I’m there (if there IS a next time, I thought to myself); that he could take me to some of the more secluded beaches that the tourists don’t know about or that we could go fishing/boating with his friends. He was a nice guy, cute and I would have certainly gone out with him had he asked me earlier. As it is, it may never happen now, but…
As the time for the shuttle got closer, I rolled my luggage outside. I must have looked particularly sad because, the next thing I knew, I heard someone say “Tina, smile!” It was my shuttle driver from Wednesday, Skylar; he ran over and gave me a big hug. People like him are what makes it doubly hard for me to leave Hawaii. When I got in the shuttle (riding shotgun again), he said to the rest of the shuttle “Everyone, this is Tina. Tina, this is everyone!” He managed to cheer me up on the way to the airport, and his passengers were more responsive to his jokes this time. When he dropped me off, he gave me another big hug. “Find me a job here!” I urged him. He said that I should drive for VIP. When I explained that I don’t drive, he suggested I be one of their dispatchers!
Inside the airport, a Chinese man approached me to ask if he could read the Chinese symbols (tattoos) on my back. He said that the third one wasn’t done very well; too close together! He then asked what my Chinese astrological sign was. When I told him, he said that sign is very lucky and that those born under that sign “always have food to eat.” As if he could read my mind, he said that one should always take risks, in order to move forward. Finally, he mentioned that a company he knows of is hiring in Guam. I laughed and said that Guam isn’t exactly one of the places I was hoping to move to!
Later I bought an orchid and tuberose lei so that the smell of the Islands would be with me all the way back to San Francisco. The saleswoman placed it on me and said “Aloha!” Apparently, when one gets a lei, they should never place it on themselves. Whenever possible, someone else is to place it on you. As I sat sadly outside checking my E-mail, one of the airport employees offered to help me if I didn’t know where my gate was or needed anything else. I assured her that I was fine, just dawdling.
The flight back was too short for me; wanted it to drag out as long as possible. Hawaiian Airlines is, however, the only U.S. airline that still offers complimentary meals on their flights. The meal was a chicken manapua with a green salad and a pineapple shortbread cookie; liked it. They also offered everyone a complimentary glass of either red or white wine. The flight attendants complimented me on the (foam) flower in my hair, as well as my sandals. They were very, very nice.
Now I’m back in San Francisco, with little desire to do anything. I spent the rest of last weekend in bed. I spent yesterday in bed, only leaving for a bit in the early evening to buy some beverages at Trader Joe’s. All of today has been spent in bed as well. The weather is supposedly nice outside, but I don’t care. When I’m down, I’m down and it takes awhile for me to pick myself up again.
This coming weekend is the Playboy Jazz Festival at the Hollywood Bowl in L.A. About midweek I’ll have to pack (again). L.A. generally manages to make me feel better, though I fear that it will bring back some emotional memories for me this time. One of my friends will be at the Jazz Festival on Sunday, so we’ll see each other then. I might have drinks with another friend or two, yet it seems so far in the distance. I’m just really not ready to deal with much yet.
Then again, I’ll be meeting the Hawaiian musician, Anuhea, on the following Saturday, as well as seeing CRSB at Yoshi’s the Saturday after that. I’m trying to keep myself busy those weekends, so I don’t keep wallowing in my misery.
It’s not just about missing Hawaii and my friends there; nor is it just about my absolutely hating San Francisco and finally reaching my limit with the people and this boring small-minded place. I’m waiting for some answers, but they’re not going to come to me any time soon. In the meantime, excuse my subdued and morose mood.