The company conference on the East Coast is over. After a 3:30 a.m. ride to SFO by my Brazilian friend that drives for Uber, my Monday started much earlier than usual. Normally I would have packed lighter for a 2-night stay, but both Newark, New Jersey and New York City were predicting rain. Thus, I packed 2 pairs of jeans, 3 sweaters, another pair of dress pants, a wool coat, 2 pairs of boots, underwear, socks, a sarong to sleep in and an umbrella. That didn’t even include toiletries and cosmetics. Since I’ve become a Mileage Plus Explorer Card member at the start of the year, United gives me one free checked bag for every ticket that I purchase using said card. Basically, I checked a free bag simply because I could! I was disappointed, however, NOT to get TSA pre-check, which I’d received about 5 of the last 6 flights. I hate taking off my shoes, coat, watch, then taking liquids and iPad/laptop out of my bag when the people in front of me are slow pokes and the people behind me are rushing. My traveling ensemble for the day was a purple sweatsuit… by Calvin Klein. (I can hear the oohs and ahhs now.) Word to the wise: Do NOT wear baggy clothing when going through security. They will DEFINITELY pat you down. Maybe if it was a cute guy patting me down, I wouldn’t mind so much, but does that ever happen? No! By the time I’d gone through security, some of the food places were opening. I had my heart set on a slice of Weekend Cake (for breakfast!) from Just Desserts. Of course, they didn’t have any. I went elsewhere and picked up a breakfast sandwich, which consisted of sausage, cheese and scrambled eggs in a croissant. What a ghastly mistake! The oiliness of it all, plus the sausage in particular, made me nauseous. After 3 bites, I had to throw it away. That left me with my $3.50 Coke to finish! The Mileage Plus Explorer Card gives me “priority” boarding as well, which generally means that I’ll be in Group 2. I got my window seat and settled in for a 5 1/2 to 6 hour nap, except for the screaming kid in the same row as me, albeit across the aisle. The weather in Newark seemed almost nice upon landing. I grabbed a taxi to the hotel and checked in. Since I hadn’t exactly eaten breakfast, my first order of business was to find some grub. There’s a little café in the Gateway Center that sells massive, tasty Italian submarines for $4.95. Their lunch deal included the submarine sandwich, chips and a drink for $6.90. Believe me, that would cost in the range of $10 to $12 in San Francisco! I inhaled everything, relaxed a bit, hung out in the room of a co-worker from our Chicago office and waited to be picked up for dinner.
Dinner was at a Portuguese restaurant in the Ironbound District. I believe there were 18 women and 1 man present for dinner. Most of the appetizers were fried something or others. I wasn’t paying much attention since I wasn’t having but a bite or two of them. My entrée was beefsteak with shrimp and pepper sauce. Scrumptious! The best part of dinner was that the staff provided excellent service. By that, I mean that they cleaned plates away immediately, constantly topped off water and other drinks, and placed a huge pitcher of sangria directly in front of me! There was a massive table of desserts of which we could partake, but I declined. I couldn’t even finish my entrée. The management person hosting dinner had everyone at the table answer her “icebreaker” questions. Who is your dream man? Well, I have two – David Beckham and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. What would be your dream job? When I was much younger, I’d always wanted to be an archaeologist. Now that I’m older and wiser, I’d love to be a travel photographer. If that doesn’t work out, I’d settle for being Johnny Depp’s personal assistant.
The epiphany part of this began at dinner. We’d gone around the table introducing ourselves, saying what department we worked for, who we worked for, what city we worked in and how long we’d been with the company. I will have been with the company for 20 years this coming September. It surprised me how many of the others had been with the company 25-35 years! When I looked around and saw all of these women, taking particular note of how they appeared in their lives (mostly complacent) and how they dressed (no offense, but really bland) and what they talked about (kids, dogs, food), I realized that I do NOT want to be like them in any way, shape or form. I don’t want the life they have. Hell, I don’t even want the life that I currently have! If I’m being honest, my job bores me. Sure, it pays the bills, has great benefits and my bosses are nice, but it doesn’t challenge me or give me new opportunities. The apartment I live in is old, but my rent (as master tenant) is cheap. Everything is slowly falling apart, but management is slow to fix anything. Even though my rent is cheap, I have two male roommates. My friends in NoCal have proven to mostly be huge flakes or (even worse) users. After my last relationship and those horrible on-line dating experiences, I don’t even care about being with anyone in all of the Bay area. As I said, the dinner was the start of me thinking about all of those negatives more than I usually do.
The conference was the following day – all day. Talking to all of the people there just drilled it into me even more. It’s time for a change. Can I do it? Can I give myself a timeline? Can I commit to it? Do I even know where I want to go or what I want to do? Life is too short to be unhappy and mine is already half over (at least). Maybe it’s time to take a risk, a huge one.
When the conference was finished, there was a Happy Hour of sorts. I had a few drinks and mingled. Then I went back to my hotel room, took a nap, freshened up, changed and took the PATH train into NYC to meet up with a friend at a wine bar in Greenwich Village. My friend and I haven’t known each other more than a few years, so we’re not particularly close. After a few glasses of wine, dating and relationships came up. Out of the blue, he asked me “Are you looking for a life partner?” I hesitated to answer. When I was married before, I thought HE was my life partner. After divorcing him, I’ve never really thought I’d marry again. I wouldn’t rule it out completely, but it’s not high on my list. “No!” I finally confessed. I’d like to be with someone again, don’t see it happening in NoCal and don’t want a “life partner” if it HAS to mean marriage. Of course, I say all of this now, yet things could turn on a dime. Funny how life works, huh? The PATH train doesn’t run very often after midnight and I had to make a connection, too. So… I didn’t get back to Newark until 3:00 a.m. My usual covered walkway into the Gateway Center was blocked off, forcing me to go outside of Penn Station in the rain. I was confused as to which direction the hotel was, but some man was kind enough to walk me to the hotel personally.
The next morning I was up early to make another quick dash into NYC via the PATH train to do an hour’s worth of shopping. Back in Newark, I picked up another Italian sub for the plane ride back, got to the airport early, had a drink at a bar, then sat at the gate pondering those same questions over and over.
As you may have gathered, I was never the kind of girl who dreamed of having a load of kids, living in a house with a white picket fence, being a cat lady or anything of the sort. Even though I’m still not that person now, where do I start to make some changes that will give me more personal satisfaction in my life? I kind of have a plan – a crazy one – that will take at least until the end of this year, if not a bit longer. I’m not at all going to say what it is or even give away a mere hint of it. It’s better not to say anything more, in case I don’t follow through. I have such a strong feeling about this, though.
Someone else might be perfectly happy with my life, but I’ve always been different. So send me some positive vibes to start me on this journey. I know there’s a pot of gold waiting for me just over that rainbow.