My advice to people has always been “Move forward. Don’t look back. No regrets.” Recently, it seems, I haven’t been following my own advice. Something has me on a very serious sentimental journey which involves a ton of regrets. Now my life in retrospect – the travels, the relationships, the material possessions, etc. – seems like nothing in comparison to that one thing that I could have changed. I had more than one chance to change it, too. For the past week, I’ve just been dwelling on it, feeling very emotional about it and spiraling downwards. There’s a small chance yet to turn this around, but it also depends on outside influence. The first step, which is a big one, scares the hell out of me. On the other hand, I have a mad desire to take a giant leap of faith, involving removing my safety net (i.e. stability) completely. That’s so uncharacteristic of me.
In the meantime, there’s a short trip to the East Coast to deal with. I have to attend a dinner, then an all-day conference, as well as meeting up with someone at a wine bar who seems to really like me. While I’d rather do nothing more than crawl into a hole and hide from the world, it’s not exactly an option at this time.
Note to self: “I can maintain.” (Repeat over and over.)